What the hell am I doing?

  Have you ever watched an artist at work?  Take away all the ego and sometimes arrogant facades that artists sometimes have attached to them and just watch them work.  From the street painter, to the chalk artist, to the sculpture artist working on their latest masterpiece.  Just to watch people work can be intriguing, motivating. 
Film making has always been my choice of sculpting, painting, whatever one deems someone to be an "artist".   There are only a certain number of times I have been truly happy and content when it comes to "work".  These are only times when I have been able to look through a camera and capture images.  These are times I am able to portray certain characteristics in front of a camera.  So what else do I need to be doing other than what I know what makes me happy and content?  What else do I possibly need to be doing other than that?  Through my journey, especially since embarking down this path of film making and storytelling, I have been called arrogant and pompous to my face even, which at that, being called that to my face, I am grateful for.  Who among us doesn't act self-important?  We need to live off of how feeling self-important is actually important to our self.  It is how we treat others that defines who is arrogant and who is pompous.  Creating films and stories is no easy task.  Much like an orchestra of musicians coming together to create a pleasant and emotional sound, making films is the same way.  Orchestrating multiple talented individuals together to create an emotional experience.  

I have tried to go the route of being a "business owner", tried to create a company.  Here is the truth.  I suck at it!  I am not a business owner, I am not a company creator.  I am simply a creator, something that no education neither all the books in the world can teach.  To create is something that comes to each of us from within us.  It is the bullshit that I find and continue to find that the business world is definitely a form of art.  It is called the art of bullshit.  It takes special skill to bullshit.  It is definitely an art form that I have tried but again, I suck at bullshitting too.  Life is tough, it is a tough world, I have found this out many different ways and avenues but I keep coming back to doing what makes me happy.  Telling stories, pretending, just like when we were kids.  Do you remember that?  One moment you could be a superhero and the next you could be a bad guy.  It wasn't anything other that what you wanted to do, which was,  just having fun.  Making films, creating stories and telling them is that vehicle for me to get back to that moment of time which was the most innocent and incredible time of any of our lives.  To be a kid again.  With everything that we are "doing" in our lives.  What are you doing?  What is your vehicle in life to get you back to those basics, of being a kid again.  That time when there was no judgments, no worries but just, being alive.

I am digging into some of my personal projects.  This week I am nailing down the cast for my short film, "The Hit" starring Ctormy Thomas, a gifted actor and dear friend of mine as well as getting together talented individuals in this area for crew.   Follow along with the journey as you please, it would be great to have you along.  Thanks everyone!  

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