The constant moment that seems to never end and to wish it never does.
In love's most pure desire, it is the rock that you are that holds me together. Yet, you are the rock that can dash me to pieces.
A woman can be the calm before and after the storm and the absolute devastating hurricane.
The water that quenches my thirst and the gushing waters that drowns me.
You are the breath I can share in oneness, completeness and you are the choke hold that sends me to despair.
What is this?
I don't know what to make of you most of the time yet, I want to make the most of my time with you.
I am a stranger constantly stuck in the shifting of the time of technology.
Birds do not have to sing for all to hear to make beautiful songs.
If a constant state of living is to be striving for why the need to share our thoughts so compeletly with others?
Why must our emotions be so completely tied with technology? Are we making our deal with the devil by doing so?
To the ever evading, elusive constant moment: May we all find that life to be lived, so that love can swallow the fear that resides in each of us. Once that fear is taken away, it seems that our human minds need to create our own fears to live. We cannot afford to live in fear or we will fear to live and to live is the ultimate path to love.
May our most purest desires be known from within.
To really know ourselves cannot come from vindication of another. For another cannot find that vindication from you for them.
What has this desolate place become in which we wander know through past dreams and desires in this wretched place of fear and condemning?
Love is a slippery slope and maybe that is the point of it all. Are we ever meant to truly have it?
Is all that we see around us and seem to know the reality of someone's past dream or future thought?
Is our ability to choose based on a thought we dreamed long ago?
What is the meaning of thoughts if we cannot really choose for ourselves. What is that small voice within that leads us to make certain decisions? Are we our own slave masters?
Expectations die when we make a choice. So make better choices than believe in faulty expectations.
To love is to live forever. To fear is to die.
-Why has one of the most powerful industry's (Hollywood) been closed down? Why
-The Mask-dabaters are running at an all time high
-Satan doesn't wear a mask but God, I guess, does?....
It is possible that what is going on is NOT about Socialism.
It is possible that what is going on is NOT about Staying inside.
It is possible that what is going on is NOT about Corona Virus.
It is possible that what is going on is NOT about destroying an economy.
It is possible that what is going is a deep rooted system that is corrupt and it going through an upheaval process.
CaN YOu IMAGINE?
That everything we have ever been taught to accept, think or believe is going through a massive uprooting process?
We see it. All around us. Friends are becoming enemies. Enemies are being friends. Masses are joining together in the confusion that surrounds them through unity, love and hope. Lies are being brought light and the "light" and glamour are being forced into the shadows and darkness.
It is all quite possible everyone, that the things you thought you hate are actually working for you and the things you thought you love are actually working against you.
It is all quite possible my friends. It is all just quite possible.
Depression, angst, anxiety
We hear these words all too often. Some feel them all to closely. When one is looking off the edge of the psychological cliff into the massive vastness where truths are lies and lies are truths and the daunting blackness of pure unknown, it is a journey and a feeling that one can only describe within themselves. I am no stranger to my own personal darkness. I've hid it quite well. Smiles can lie for miles.
Over the past couple of years I have been off and on with a film that can describe my depression. I needed to work on something that could see me through it. That's what I have found in my life. Art can heal, art can show the way out of depression, grief, anger and even superficial happiness. Depression has many looks and affects many different people in many ways.
For instance: There was one time when I was heavily weighted with the ambition of my own imaginations, so heavy that I lay on the bathroom floor wanting to cease from existence. I do not know how long I was there, until my dear friend walks in, thinking I am overdosed on something. The weight was so heavy that I did not want to speak even to her anymore, I didn't care about a dog around me, I didn't even care about having my kids around me. I wanted to cease. Then, a couple hours later... I would make a performance in front of a large crowd as if I wasn't lying on the bathroom floor hours earlier ready to imagine myself extinct.
It's amazing that feelings of loneliness and isolation can be healed in places of loneliness and isolation. There are many walks in the southern Utah desert I have taken that has fulfilled my questions, grudging wounds and sadness that any organized religion, doctrine or teachings ever can. At one moment I was standing at the base of mountain, I looked up and said "This is limitless and ageless. Buildings are limited and blocked off." This film is a dark spiritual journey of mine with a sonnet that I wrote. The sonnet came due to my depression from a car accident and then a subsequent scam that left me with a heavy debt that could barely be fathomed of paying back. This is my depression. I don't own it anymore because I have continually had to let it go.
If we are to walk through our own valley of darkness, no phone communication, no internet. Don't worry, be of good cheer and above all learn to be still.
This film is based upon my depression, sleep paralysis and weird nightmares/dreams I've had.
It is very strange to think about it now. When I was younger, there are so many memories in front of the television. The shows I watched, the movies I dreamed about, the stories that shaped my childhood. I knew at a very young age I wanted to be a storyteller. Stories are what shape our very existence, from religion to entertainment, stories are all around. We are who we are because of the story we have told to ourselves.
When I was pursuing a college career. I was taking my generals with a focus on a digital film major. The screenwriting class was being taught by a professor who clearly had all the credentials a professor needed. Yet, when asked how many feature screenplays the screenwriting teacher had written. The answer was, "currently in the middle of two feature length scripts".... My mind started racing. "Wait, I am sitting here in a class with a professor who is in the same boat as me?" Well, whether my ego or stubbornness or both. I didn't really finish the semester of college because... what was the point?
Creativity cannot be taught
Fast forward a few years and some amazing lessons that were taught. I decided to leave that college career (and debt) to start finding a career by actually working on film sets and seeing how it is all done. I can honestly say what I have learned. 100% of the film sets that I was on, I met more people who did not finish a college career in finding the career they wanted. Which has led me to believe that: If you want to be an educator or a teacher... go to college. If you want to work in a different field or line of work... go and apprentice or study under that line of work. Very , very simple.